A Baby Changes Everything...

A Baby Changes Everything

A baby changes everything. It has been the theme of our pastor’s sermon for a Christmas series, it’s used in a Pampers slogan, and it’s said by many after the birth of a child. Typically that is referring to a new addition to the family that comes along with lots of snuggles, love, and adjustments. However, sometimes that baby that changes everything is only in our hearts as they went to Heaven instead of our homes.

The picture above was from the evening we found out that Avery was a girl. Bryan and I went to Target and picked out this cute little pink dress to make our gender announcement. Funny, I was hoping for a boy, but as the idea of me growing my own little mini me began to sink in, I started planning! Everything pink as I've loved pink since I was a little girl. And once we decided on her name, the monogramming was on! We had cute little pink and white seersucker bloomers for her newborn pictures, a beautiful wooden monogram to hang above her crib, many monogrammed burp cloths, etc. A baby changes everything.

I got Avery's nursery set up weeks before my due date. It was beautiful. All pink and grey (which were our wedding colors) with lots of elephants and monograms, of course! I used to just sit in the nursery and imagine the future once my first baby was born because a baby changes everything.

Walking into our home after losing Avery was hard. It felt so lonely although I was surrounded by family and friends. I couldn't even open the door to the nursery where I often sat and daydreamed. Every morning felt like waking up and living the same nightmare. For a few months, I went into a dark place. I didn't want to come out of my house, I was depressed and felt like a failure. I felt that Avery being stillborn was my fault and still struggle with that from time to time as I'm sure many women in my position can relate. A baby changes everything.

We lost Avery on July 27, 2017. I found out I was pregnant again with my rainbow baby on January 20, 2018. I was overwhelmed with joy for the new baby, still mourning Avery, and trying to control my fear and anxiety of imagining that my second pregnancy could end like my first. A baby changes everything.

As my belly grew, my passion for honoring Avery grew. I was afraid that I would forget about her when the new baby came- that couldn't be further from the truth (although Marshall is a boy, they could have been twins!). I wanted everyone to remember my baby girl as her little life mattered. That is when the conversation for the Avery Elizabeth Foundation began. A baby changes everything.

From August of 2017 through the end of that year, I found myself often in a very dark place. I didn't care for my own health- mentally or physically. It was the beginning of our foundation and our passion for seeing that others made it through these situations that brought me back to life. I had to make Avery (and her new sibling) proud of her momma. A baby changes everything.

The experience of losing our precious Avery could have destroyed us. However, her existence strengthened our marriage and faith. I feel as though I was appreciating family and friends more. Heaven became more real. And I took comfort in the fact that my baby girl was with Jesus and that I would see her again. A baby changes everything.

The goal and purpose of Avery's foundation is to let those affected by stillbirth, infant loss, or miscarriage that you are not alone and we are here to provide comfort and support. These losses are unfortunately far too common. But, you can make it through. Of course we wish she was here with us every day of our lives but that was not God's plan. Avery changed our lives for the better. A baby changes everything.

Our sweet Avery Elizabeth has had such an impact on our lives without physically being here. We feel her and see signs from her all the time. A baby changes everything - even the ones that we don't get to bring home. "To think the first thing you saw when you opened your little eyes was Jesus."

#averyelizabethfoundation #StillbornStillLoved #iam1in4